Just Being Me - Sippy: a quiet comeback, n to the person i love most

Just Being Me - Sippy

a simple plain jane who believes Jesus is her only saviour. she has an awesome family but in need of salvation. her current addiction is 2pm but shinhwa will always remain as the love of her life.

Monday, September 11, 2006

a quiet comeback, n to the person i love most

I'm hving a quiet comeback, dun think anyone will notice my blog also, but I'm blogging again cos I need some place to filter my thoughts and I need someone to share or know my feelings. I'm LOA.. :p I guess tat might be the reason ppl are bloggin, they want ppl to care, they want ppl to know what's on their head or wat on their lifes. If speaking is not workin efficiently, then maybe writin is. OR maybe they just find it too hard to speak it out, then they write it, at least they dun get slaps rite away, they get slaps later. LOL.

I told myself I want to write happy posts, at least posts tat cheer ppl up or meaninful post, post that ppl wont feel their time are wasted after readin it. But with my limited knowledge, with my limited vocabulary, I end up hvin a weblog diary instead, something that make ppl yawn. Nope, I'm not as creative as renee, andrew, mark or any others in the CF. I hardly upload any nice pics since I dun hv a good digicam. In fact, my blog might seem boring bcos Im writin so long, makin u yawn. Yeah, tat's me in real life as well, a borin person. *stick out tougue*

This post will be a long post, a sorry post, written by me to my mother, the closest person to me, the person that I hurt most since young. The person I disappointed most not bcos I did badly in my exams but bcos of my attitude, or my behaviour that stabs her heart and makes her cry. Knowing how much she loves me, how good she treats me, how much she has sacrifices for me, I turned her down by my unfilter words and childish attitude. And yet, I'm not willing to say sorry to her even I know I'm wrong. I'm a failure who fails to be a decent daughter.

Bro said I take my parents for granted. He wrote on an A4 paper, begging me to care about my parents more. I did feel sad and ashame hving my younger bro to point it out, and showing me a more mature attitude than I am. My parents never request anythin from me, not even a good result, what can I ask more from parents like them? I'm ashamed, so ashamed that I feel like digging a hole and bury myself.

I do not dare to call my mom or answer her phone. I'm only willing to sms her, and silent the sound whenever she call, pretend I'm away. I feel guilty, my conscious tell me wrong. I so want to be in good terms with my mom again but it's so hard to squeeze the word "sorry" from my mouth. I know I have hurt her and I'm not ready for the consequences of it. If I call my mom, would she answer me coldly like the last time I called when I haven't call in few days?? I know I cried after hearing her tone, she sounded sad n down. And to be honest, Im not ready to face that again when time time, the situation is even worse, I got to do somethin.

I love my mom, more than any person in this world. I might be going out with tons n tons of ppl, I might be gettin dozen kids of my own but I know the person I care and love most is still my mom, be it in the past, present or future. I need courage from GOD, I need to tell mom I'm wrong, I'm sorry n I love her. And thus, I wish I can tell her through this blog. I hope she's willing to open and read it. And if she's willing, I hope I can get a call from her, and then I'm ready to tell her with my trembling voice on how sorry I am, and how much I love her.

I'm sorry mom, I love you.

Labels: mom, sorry

posted by sippy @ 10:22 PM

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